Clever Funny Responses to ‘Are You High?’: 45+ Replies

Getting accused of being high when you’re actually sober can be an uncomfortable and awkward situation. Though drug use shouldn’t be glorified, there are some lighthearted ways to respond that can diffuse tension. Read on for examples of funny comebacks and tips on how to handle these interactions smoothly.

Funny Responses and Comebacks

“I’m High on Life!”

Saying you’re “high on life” in response implies you’re just feeling naturally happy, upbeat and enthusiastic – no artificial substances needed! This comeback keeps things positive.

Other responses in this upbeat vein could include:

• “I’m just really feeling the good vibes today!”
• “I guess I’m a little punch drunk on happiness right now!”
• “What can I say – I’m thrilled to be alive!”
• “I’m high on the joy of living, my friend.”
• “I don’t need drugs – laughing with you is intoxicating enough!”
• “Your friendship gets me so high, I don’t need anything else!”

“Did Someone Spike the Punch Here?”

Joking that someone must have spiked a drink you consumed makes light of the situation. It’s an indirect way to convey you’re acting weird but it’s not because you intentionally got high.

Other responses along these lines:

• “Whoa, did someone slip something in my soda earlier?”
• “I think those brownies I ate must have had a ‘secret ingredient!'”
• “Is there something in the water here making me act this way?”
• “Did you see someone put something weird in my food/drink?”
• “I swear I didn’t take anything – I think I got roofied!”

“Are You High Right Now?”

Flipping the question back on them adds some sass while also moving the focus off yourself. It shows you’re paying more attention to their behavior than your own.

Some other flirty, teasing responses:

• “I should be asking you that question, silly!”
• “Says the person acting pretty strange themselves right now!”
• “Pot calling the kettle black much?”
• “Takes one to know one, huh?”
• “I think you need to take a look in the mirror, my friend.”

“Let’s All Get High!”

While obviously said in jest, enthusiastically pretending you’re on board to get high together pokes fun at the accusations. It can catch them off guard while lightening the mood.

Some other humorous responses embracing the assumption:

• “Great idea – let’s do this!”
• “Ooh, I’m down, what are we getting high on?”
• “Hell yeah! Pass the bong, let’s party!”
• “You got the goods? Let’s get this high times party started!”
• “Now you’re speaking my language – break out the weed!”
• “Alright, you caught me – I’m totally ready to blaze it up now!”

“Your Beauty Gets Me High.”

When said to a crush or romantic partner in a light, teasing way, this response flirtatiously dodges the question by complementing their attractiveness. Let them know it’s just them making you act strangely!

Other playful flirty replies include:

• “Looking at you is the only drug I need, sweetheart.”
• “I’m drunk on love when I’m with you.”
• “You’re so hot, I feel intoxicated just being around you.”
• “I’m high on how gorgeous you are.”
• “It’s your fault for being so damn sexy it makes me act weird.”
• “I get a natural high just from admiring your beauty.”

“Why? Do My Eyes Look Red?”

Pretending to check your eyes or inspect yourself shifts the focus back onto them having to examine you closely. It adds some silliness to defuse the tense accusations.

Related responses:

• “Oh no, is my eyeliner smudged? That must be why!”
• “Do I smell like weed? Come sniff me and investigate thoroughly!”
• “Quick – check my pupils, are they dilated?”
• “Am I walking weird? My legs feel pretty steady to me…”
• “Go ahead and search me if you really think I’m on something!”
• “Test me if you want – I bet I’d pass a drug test right now!”

How to Reply to Accusations from a Girl

Being accused by a girlfriend, female friend, sister, or crush can be delicate to handle. Your response needs to strike the right tone – not too harsh, but not a total denial either.

With Lighthearted Humor

Reply jokingly to take the edge off the confrontation. For example:

• “Oh dang, you caught me! I’m totally trippin’ on how awesome you are!”
• “I swear I’m not on drugs! Must be your intoxicating beauty making me act strange.”
• “I’m innocent! Maybe you’ve been smoking something?”
• “No way, I save getting high for our girls’ night dance parties.”

With Understanding

Let her know you get why she may think that, but reaffirm your sobriety. For instance:

• “I know I’m acting kinda silly, but I promise I’m sober! Just in a weird mood I guess.”
• “I can see why you’d think I’m high, but really I’m just super duper happy right now!”
• “Babe, I’m totally straight-edged, even if I seem spacey.”
• “Girl, we’ve been together 2 years – when have you ever seen me get high before?”

As a Compliment

If she thinks you seem high around her specifically, it may be she has an intoxicating effect on you! Compliment her gently:

• “I’m not high – but I am drunk in love with you!”
• “You make me feel so euphoric when we’re together. High on your love!”
• “Aww, am I acting that crazy? You just make me feel so blissful.”
• “I swear it’s being with you that’s making me act all weird and happy!”

How to Reply to Accusations from a Guy

With guy friends or a boyfriend, you can be a bit more blunt in denying drug use while still keeping things casual.

With Humor

Joke around with him about the absurdity of the accusations:

• “Dude, I’m not baked – you’re trippin’!”
• “C’mon man, you know I’m straight edge. I only get high on Mountain Dew and video games.”
• “Bro, I’m not even buzzed. But clearly YOU smoked something strong!”
• “Man, I’m just sleep deprived. The only joint I need is my bed.”

Matter-of-Factly

Straightforwardly but lightheartedly shut down the assumption you’re doing drugs:

• “Dude, no way. You know I’ve never even tried weed before.”
• “I’m just super pumped up and energetic right now bro, not high!”
• “You really think I’d be getting stoned right before your big game tonight? Hell no.”
• “C’mon Brad, you know I’ve been 100% sober since I started training for the marathon.”

With Understanding

Acknowledge you may seem odd, but restate your sobriety:

• “Ha, I know I’m acting super hyperactive man, but really I’m just in a great mood!”
• “You’re right, I am feeling pretty zoned out. Didn’t get much sleep last night.”
• “Bro, I think I just have too much energy today, not drugs pumping through me!”
• “Buddy, I get it, I’m definitely acting weird. But seriously, I’m clean as a whistle, just having fun!”

Key Takeaways

• Keep responses lighthearted – getting defensive or angry can escalate things.
• Turn the accusations around on them playfully to take the scrutiny off yourself.
• Flirtatious replies work well for crushes or partners to sidestep the confrontation.
• With friends, straightforward denials said in a casual, understanding way defuse the situation.

Conclusion

Being accused of drug use when you’re sober is an awkward spot to be in. Using humorous comebacks and keeping things upbeat can help smooth over the uncomfortable implications. Remember to simply state your sobriety, and try shifting the focus back onto the accuser’s behavior too. With the right response, you can handle these tricky interactions gracefully while keeping your cool – no intoxicants required!