Did someone just say something stupid and you can’t help but roll your eyes? Are they getting on your nerves with their nonsense? Put an end to the annoyance with these savage comebacks!
I’ve dealt with my fair share of irritating people. Whether it’s a coworker who won’t stop blabbing, a friend who thinks they know everything, or a stranger with no sense of personal space, annoying people lurk everywhere.
When I’ve had enough, I use these witty comebacks to shut them down. Keep reading for 30+ hilarious and savage responses for dealing with annoying people. Take no prisoners!
30 Savage Comebacks for Annoying People
Annoying people always seem to catch us off guard with their nonsense. Instead of standing there frozen, use one of these snappy comebacks!
“I’d explain it to you, but I left my puppets and crayons at home.”
“I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”
“I thought of a witty comeback later that day…four years later.”
“I don’t have the patience or crayons to explain this to you.”
“I’d slap you but I don’t want to make your face look any better.”
“I’d tell you to go jump off a bridge, but I feel like that’s a bit harsh. The pier will suffice.”
“I’m not ignoring you, I’m just allergic to bullshit.”
“I’m jealous of the people that haven’t met you.”
“I’m not saying I hate you…but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.”
“It’s better to let someone think you’re stupid than open your mouth and prove it.”
“Talking to you is about as fun as sandpaper panties.”
“If your IQ was any lower we’d have to water you daily.”
“I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”
“You must have been born on a highway, because that’s where most accidents happen.”
“I thought of some comebacks for what you said later that day. Like four years later in the shower.”
“You’re not pretty enough to be this stupid.”
“I’d give you a nasty look but you’ve already got one.”
“I’m not ignoring you, I’m just allergic to bullshit.”
“I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that?”
“I’d slap you but I don’t want to make your face look any better.”
“I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”
“You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.”
“You have Diarrhea of the mouth; constipation of the ideas.”
“I’d give you a nasty look but you’ve already got one.”
“If your IQ was any lower we’d have to water you daily.”
“You’re not pretty enough to be this stupid.”
“I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”
Funny Comebacks
We all need some humor when dealing with annoying people. Try out these funny comebacks next time someone is getting on your nerves.
- “I thought of some comebacks for what you said later that day. Like four years later in the shower.”
- “I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”
- “You have Diarrhea of the mouth; constipation of the ideas.”
- “I’m not saying I hate you…but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.”
- “If your IQ was any lower we’d have to water you daily.”
- “You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.”
- “I’d give you a nasty look but you’ve already got one.”
- “Talking to you is about as fun as sandpaper panties.”
- “It’s better to let someone think you’re stupid than open your mouth and prove it.”
- “I don’t have the patience or crayons to explain this to you.”
Savage Comebacks
When subtlety won’t cut it, go for the jugular with these savage responses!
- “I’d tell you to go jump off a bridge, but I feel like that’s a bit harsh. The pier will suffice.”
- “You’re not pretty enough to be this stupid.”
- “I’d slap you but I don’t want to make your face look any better.”
- “I’m jealous of the people that haven’t met you.”
- “You must have been born on a highway, because that’s where most accidents happen.”
- “I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”
- “I’m not ignoring you, I’m just allergic to bullshit.”
- “I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that?”
- “I thought of some comebacks for what you said later that day. Like four years later in the shower.”
- “If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart.”
Sarcastic Comebacks
Dishing out sarcasm is the perfect way to respond to nonsense. Memorize these snarky comebacks to always have one ready:
- “I’d explain it to you, but I left my puppets and crayons at home.”
- “I don’t have the patience or crayons to explain this to you.”
- “Bless your heart for trying.”
- “Your face is perfect for Hallowen.”
- “I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”
- “Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?”
- “I thought of a witty comeback later that day…four years later.”
- “You should really come with a warning label.”
- “Wow, your parents must be so proud.”
- “Please just stop. My brain cells are committing suicide one by one.”
Annoying Comebacks
Give them a taste of their own medicine! Use their same annoying tactics against them:
- Repeat everything they say in a dumb voice
- Say “what?” no matter what they say
- Repeat their phrases out loud while typing on your phone
- Laugh hysterically after everything they say
- Read their texts out loud and then say “oops sorry, this isn’t my grandma!”
- Say everything REALLLY SLOOOWWWLLYY
- Respond to everything they say by singing lyrics from a popular song
- Talk about yourself the whole time no matter what they discuss
- Whenever they go to speak, cut them off and start a new topic
- Pretend you can’t hear them and keep saying “what?! speak up!”
Top 10 Editor’s Choice Savage Comebacks
We combed through hundreds of witty, funny, and savage comebacks and selected our top 10 favorites. Memorize this arsenal of responses to shut down even the most annoying chatterboxes!
1. “I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”
This clever comeback implies that what they said is undoubtedly wrong, putting them in their place without having to elaborate. It’s sassy but subtle.
Use This When: You don’t have the energy to argue but want to make it clear they’re spouting nonsense.
Don’t Use This When: You actually agree with what they said. That would defeat the purpose!
2. “I don’t have the patience or crayons to explain this to you.”
The crayon comment adds just enough condescension to assert your intelligence and their stupidity. It’s both funny and rude!
Use This When: Someone genuinely does not understand what you’re saying.
Don’t Use This When: Explaining something simple to a child. We don’t advocate calling kids stupid!
3. “I’m jealous of the people that haven’t met you.”
This clever response implies you wish you had never met them either. Short, sweet, and savage.
Use This When: You are fed up with someone’s nonsense.
Don’t Use This When: Meeting someone for the first time. You don’t want to immediately insult a stranger.
4. “I’d tell you to go jump off a bridge, but I feel like that’s a bit harsh. The pier will suffice.”
Morbid but hilarious! This one tells people to go die without explicitly saying it.
Use This When: Bickering with friends who will think it’s funny.
Don’t Use This When: Speaking to someone emotionally unstable or suicidal. Safety first!
5. “You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.”
This backhanded compliment suggests people are happier when they aren’t around. Ouch!
Use This When: You want to subtly call out an annoying friend.
Don’t Use This When: Talking to someone with social anxiety who fears exclusion.
6. “You’re not pretty enough to be this stupid.”
Straight-up savage! Imply both their personality and looks are unfortunate.
Use This When: All other comebacks have failed and you need to be blunt.
Don’t Use This When: First meeting someone. Starting things off with an insult is just rude!
7. “I’m not saying I hate you…but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.”
Morbid, ridiculous, and hyperbolic – a lethal combination! This one compares their existence to phone battery.
Use This When: Venting to friends about someone you mutually dislike.
Don’t Use This When: Speaking to someone you actually care about losing! Only harmlessly joke with friends.
8. “Talking to you is about as fun as sandpaper panties.”
Vivid, crass, and impossible to come back from! No one wants to imagine sandpaper underwear.
Use This When: You are fed up and want to be vulgar and funny.
Don’t Use This When: In professional settings or around kids! Save this one for friends.
9. “Please just stop. My brain cells are committing suicide one by one.”
Snarky hyperbole is the name of the game here! Imply their stupidity is killing your own brain cells.
Use This When: You can’t bear to hear another word from someone’s nonsensical rambling.
Don’t Use This When: Trying to deescalate an argument. This will only add fuel to the fire!
10. “Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?”
Short, not-so-sweet, and straight to the point. Call out their sheer stupidity.
Use This When: You’ve run out of polite ways to address their foolishness.
Don’t Use This When: Talking to someone clearly struggling to understand something. Offer help before insults!
How to Comeback to Annoying Girls
Girls can be just as annoying as guys! But you have to craft your comebacks a bit differently. Here’s how to snap back at nonsense from annoying girls:
1. Use More Savage Burns
Girls can typically handle harsher comebacks about intelligence and looks. Go ahead and be blunt!
Examples:
- “You’re not pretty enough to be this stupid.”
- “I’m sorry, did I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid? I really thought you already knew.”
2. Get Sarcastic
Girls love dishing out and receiving sarcasm. Lay it on thick!
Examples:
- “Wow, fascinating input. Please, do go on.”
- “Did you think of that insight all on your own?”
3. Don’t Get Vulgar
Using crass or explicit language typically doesn’t go over as well with girls. Tone it down.
Example: Instead of “That’s the dumbest effing thing I’ve ever heard,” say “Bless your heart for trying.”
How to Comeback to Annoying Guys
Dealing with annoying guys requires some tactics of your own:
1. Target Their Ego
Guys have more fragile egos than girls. Strike there for max impact!
Examples:
- “I’d explain but I don’t have any crayons on me.”
- “Aww look at you trying to be the alpha. Cute.”
2. Get Vulgar if Needed
Unlike girls, guys aren’t as offended by crass language amongst friends. Swearing gets the point across.
Examples:
- “Are you high or just stupid?
- “Sounds like bullsh*t to me.”
3. Don’t Get Too Personal
Criticizing a guy’s intelligence or looks is fine, but don’t take low blows at family, career, etc. Keep it about their nonsense only!
When to Walk Away
At a certain point, you have to recognize when a conversation is going nowhere. If you’ve traded comebacks and they still won’t stop spouting nonsense, simply walk away!
- End phonecalls
- Leave the room
- Put on headphones
- Ask them politely yet firmly to drop the subject
Just because someone is annoying doesn’t mean you should waste your precious time and energy bickering. Know when to use these comebacks to shut it down and when to simply walk away. You deserve peace of mind!
Wrapping Up
Dealing with nonsense from annoying people seems inevitable. But now that you’re armed with 30+ savage, witty, sarcastic comebacks, you can swiftly shut them down.
No need to just stand there and seethe. Commit these hilarious yet rude responses to memory for whenever someone starts spouting stupidity. Give them a taste of their own medicine!