Our favorite 79-year-old medical pioneer is at it again, proving that a medical degree is no match for “very good genetics” and a healthy dose of magical thinking.
In a recent chat with The Wall Street Journal, Donald Trump decided to play doctor, specifically his own.
He revealed that he has been ignoring his actual physicians to maintain a high-dose aspirin habit that would make a pharmacist sweat.
Gumbo, Chicken Soup, and Science-Free Hearts
While most of us listen to people who spent a decade in med school, Trump has other ideas for his cardiovascular health.
“I want nice, thin blood pouring through my heart,” he told The Wall Street Journal. “Does that make sense?”
Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.
CNN medical analyst Dr. Jonathan Reiner was quick to point out that aspirin isn’t a kitchen gadget.
“It’s not like changing something from gumbo to chicken soup,” Reiner told CNN.
“It doesn’t make it thinner. It makes you less likely to clot.”
When “Superstition” Trumps Medical Science
Why take a massive 325 mg dose when your doctors are begging you to take the standard 81 mg?
Because, as Trump explained to The Wall Street Journal, he is “a little superstitious.”
Apparently, 25 years of doing something the wrong way makes it “right” in the MAGA universe.
Dr. Reiner, who managed Dick Cheney’s heart for years, noted that the 325 mg dose is “unorthodox.”
Usually, even patients with actual heart disease only take a quarter of that, according to CNN.
The Curious Case of the “High-Five” Injury
If you’ve noticed the President’s hands looking like he recently lost a fight with a blackberry bush, you aren’t alone.
The White House has tried to blame the bruises on “frequent handshaking.”
Because nothing says “vitality” like being physically wounded by a greeting.
The Wall Street Journal reported several instances where his hand has been cut, causing bleeding that “alarmed” witnesses.
One culprit? Future Attorney General Pam Bondi, who allegedly “nicked” him with a ring during a high-five at the 2024 RNC.
Trump, ever the tough guy, dismissed it as a “slight little cut” in his interview with the Journal.
Hazards, Handshakes, and Concealer
While the President uses bandages and concealer to hide the evidence, Dr. Reiner is worried about what’s happening on the inside.
“Not only is there no benefit… there can be hazard,” Reiner warned on CNN.
For people over 70, the risk isn’t just a purple hand; it’s “significant bleeding.”
But hey, if the man wants to ignore the “hazard” because of a 25-year-old superstition, who are we to judge?
It’s just his heart, after all.
Does that make sense?
